Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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