I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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