i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
