I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
