I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
