Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
