my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
