She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
