sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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