OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
