And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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