I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize