how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
