Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
