are you so shy because you have an std?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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