jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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