I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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