No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
