whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
