I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
