I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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