I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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