I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
