I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I cockslap morals
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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