I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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