Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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