The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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