Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
and you said cock pushups were impossible
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I could fuck to npr.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
