Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
