found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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