Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
