Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize