I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
