Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I need a beard to bite.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
