non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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