Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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