My brain says no but my pants say off.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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