You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
