I wish I only lived at night.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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