Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just pee around me
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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