So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
