did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
