ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
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