She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
