it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My butt remains clenched, sir.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
