Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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