My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
