mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You need a sexual gate keeper
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
