Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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