he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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