My hand turned me down
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
