so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
