what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
birth control should be required to get into college
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
