is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
