Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
