Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I came so hard my ears popped.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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