Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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