She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
