i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My cat gives me a boner
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
