It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
