Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
