Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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