You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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