careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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