god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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