Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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