I feel like I'm in dance class right now
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
whose parrot is this?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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