How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
What a dumb baby whore.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I could fuck to npr.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
