Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
