i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
