we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
