I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
is it fun? or sober?
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