I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize