I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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