he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
