dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
