Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
