if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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