I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
