Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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