Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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