I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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