Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
