Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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