i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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