they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
