it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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